There's denial. There's delusion. And then there's whatever Pep Guardiola was spouting after his Manchester City side got absolutely demolished by a bunch of part-time fishermen above the Arctic Circle.
A 3-1 humiliation at the hands of Bodø/Glimt — a club from a town with 55,000 souls, playing in an 8,000-seater stadium on a plastic pitch — and the gaffer has the audacity to suggest his lads weren't that bad. Meanwhile, Erling Haaland stands there telling us he's not even surprised. Not surprised!
Guardiola's bizarre defence
Let's get into it. Kasper Høgh, a striker who was being linked with a move to Norwich earlier in the day, bagged a brace in two minutes. Jens Petter Hauge curled in what Haaland himself called "the goal of the century." And Rodri — the Ballon d'Or winner, mind you — got himself sent off for two bookings in 53 seconds. Fifty-three seconds! That's quicker than it takes to pour a pint.
So what does Guardiola say? Does he tear into his players? Does he demand answers? No. Speaking to Sky Sports after the match, the Catalan remarkably disagreed with suggestions his team was poor:
"I don't agree. We didn't have Jeremy (Doku) nor Savinho, nor adequate wingers. In other sectors, we were missing many important players who bring us more consistency, but I didn't feel the team wasn't there today. They are well organized, they force you out and we don't have players capable of winning one-on-ones."
Hang on. You've spent over £500 million in the last 12 months and you're telling us you haven't got players who can beat a man? In a game against a Norwegian club that was on the brink of bankruptcy 15 years ago — when locals were collecting empty bottles for deposit money to keep the lights on?
Haaland's strange homecoming
Then there's Haaland. The Norwegian returned to his homeland for what should have been a triumphant homecoming. Instead, he was utterly invisible — just three shots in 90 minutes, air-kicking one clear chance, blazing over another.
And his reaction afterwards? Telling TV2:
"No, it doesn't surprise me. I've watched almost all their European games these last four or five years. I've seen teams come here and struggle like us today."
So you knew Bodø were a nightmare to play against, you knew their artificial pitch causes problems, you've apparently been studying them for years... and this was still the best you could manage? One goal in seven games now for the big man. Something's not right.
The damning context
Let's put this in perspective. Manchester City arrived in northern Norway having just lost the Manchester derby 2-0. They're now seven points behind Arsenal in the Premier League. Since the calendar flipped to 2026, they haven't won a single league game — draws against Sunderland, Chelsea, and Brighton, then back-to-back defeats to United and now this.
The defensive shambles was there for all to see. Abdukodir Khusanov and Max Alleyne, City's young centre-back pairing, were cut to ribbons. Bodø's forwards got in behind them at will. When Hauge picked up the ball near the touchline for his goal, he beat two players before curling it into the top corner. Against Manchester City. In the Champions League.
Bodø hadn't won a single game in this competition before tonight. They were 32nd out of 36 teams. And City made them look like prime Barcelona.
The red card farce
Rodri's sending-off summed up the night perfectly. The Spanish midfielder gave the ball away in the build-up to Bodø's third goal, then got booked twice in under a minute for cynical fouls. He'll now miss the final league phase match against Galatasaray — a game City might actually need to win.
Yes, City are still likely to go through. But this was supposed to be a stroll in the snow, a chance to secure top-eight passage and rest some legs. Instead, they've turned what should have been a routine away day into a European embarrassment that'll take some explaining.
The verdict
For Bodø/Glimt, this is a fairytale. Their first ever Champions League victory, against one of the richest clubs on the planet, in their tiny Arctic stadium. Coach Kjetil Knutsen has built something special here — a team that plays without fear, attacks with pace, and refuses to believe they don't belong.
For City? This is a crisis dressed up as a blip. Guardiola's making excuses about missing players, but these are the same excuses we've heard for months now. Haaland's shrugging his shoulders like he expected nothing more. The belief is draining out of this squad.
When you lose to a team whose revenue is less than what City pay Haaland in a year, and your response is "well, they're quite well organised" — mate, you've got problems. Big problems.
The cold Arctic wind wasn't the only thing freezing City to the bone in Bodø. The spirit's gone. And until someone at the Etihad admits it, nothing's going to change.
